For The Record.

I’ve had people say to me, “Well, at least you’ve got Marley.”

Well shit. That just makes everything all better doesn’t it? At that moment, I think to myself… “Okay, you’ve got 2/3/4 kids? Pick one, forget the rest - all good still?”

This is me just going off in my mind. Of course I’m decent enough to not ever say that to someone.

Here’s the thing. Marley, was very planned. Marley, was 3 years in the making - I’m the first to be very open that we tried, and tried, and tried. I'm the first to be very open that we cried, and cried, and cried. We lost 4 babies before getting to Marley. This was circa 2016-2018, and far before Martin was EVER diagnosed with cancer. We didn’t plan to replace. We planned to expand. Then life kicked us in the face.

Let me do some math for our readers. Marley was born in March, Martin was diagnosed in September. Meaning we knew about Marley in July of 2018. Life was perfect then. We were determined, even up until March of 2019, that we were going to be the Fly4Forever. We were so hopeful Martin would get better.

Here’s why I write this…

People, take a second and think before you speak. Don’t be that person who has the audacity to say such assumptive comments as if Martin would ever be replaced. Don’t be the person who says comments that you haven’t thought through.

Marley is my little angel and my motivation to wake up each day. However in every moment of every day, there is a gigantic hole that will just never be filled. Want an even deeper sadness? Think of how Marley now has to grow up as an only child… knowing of a sibling, but never knowing said sibling. Lonely right?

So this beautiful blessing we were given, and in many ways I see Martin as almost angelic for blessing us with her, holding on until she was here, and only passing once he knew we could care for her - also comes with a lot of hidden heartache.

I’ve become numb to many stupid comments, but on occasion I let some of them get to me.

The assumption that I am totally joy filled now, is so wrong.

So, what would I ask of our readers? Be a little more gentle when you get to know someone or you ask about their kids.

Instead of asking “Is he/she your first?” ask “How many kids do you have?”

This is a much gentler way of getting to my ultimate answer - “One in heaven, and this little blessing you’re looking at.”

When I (or other people) do say what I said… don’t make confused faces. The harsh reality is that yes - kids do die. It sucks, but it happens. Talking about our kids, saying their names, remembering them… honors, respects, and gives dignity to the life they lived. It’s pays tribute to the memory and soul that is left.

I wake up each day, missing a family member. Missing a body that would fill a bedroom, sit on my couch, eat my food. I am missing an entire part of my life.

I want our readers to understand that yes, life on social media looks amazing, and in so many ways - yes we are blessed! However, I also want you to hear first hand, what we deal with from time to time, so you can soften your soul a bit, grow as person, and maybe change your perspective.

Just try and be a little gentler as a person. That’s what Martin would do.

No kid ever replaces another, you as a person just grow your heart a little extra to fit in more love.

He blessed us with Marley, spent a month with her, and knew we would continue to love her with as much passion as we did him. We are forever going to be the #Fly4Forever.


Martin Howe1 Comment